Tuesday, April 08, 2003

what the hell. that's what i get for being nice. to think i've stuck by him when pp tell me he's NOT worth it. freakx. i shld haf just listened, and not wasted my youth and money on him. stupid unappreciative prick stupid bastard. i can call him bastard for all i care. cos i call my girlfriends bitches as well, what's wrong with the word bastard? i'm not as refined as him in that sense i guess, but screw it, i'm not going to give a damn anymore. trust me. i mean, no guy has ever been so mean before in my life. im jux unwilling to be unappreciated, lyk i've never been so nice to someone. fucking bastard. i hate him i hate him i hate him!
to think i actually was concerned about him after the breakup after they said he looked kinda depressed i tried to ask what was wrong. fine, that's all i get for being nice. im not going to be nice anymore. stupid homophobe. hope he wil rot. i mean, but in actual fact if he wanted to read my diary he shld have basic respect for my rights, my freedom of speech. he has no right to get pissed and confront me about it in the first place. i didn invite him to read the entries, i just asked him to c the pic. stupid shit.
he jux msged me to say sorry. and so? as if it'll reverse all that has happened. why can't a decent guy be nice to me and be totally caring? i mean ... what's the pt in having a gf and jux keeping her, when u can't be bothered to find out more abt her or see if she's okay? i mean, i give myself unnec stress. sO?? are u supposed to brush it aside and say "uh, so be it i guess. only she can help herself". no, i don't want that. so what if many guys have liked me before? how many actually care? in the case i rather look for flings. at least they give u enjoyment, well, at least for a while. but then again that's not the pt la. freak what am i talking about. sighs. screw it la.

Monday, April 07, 2003

hey u called me a bastard
<`sedated> u read?
<`sedated> oops
<`sedated> dun read dun read
<`sedated> sheeeit
its hard not to read
its ur diary wad
<`sedated> eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
<`sedated> then u cant comment what
'hey nice website..but i think im not a bastrad'
<`sedated> sorry
<`sedated> but i guess u read how i felt
<`sedated> u can call me a bitch
<`sedated> im alrite wif it
<`sedated> neways i gotta go.
<`sedated> sorry if i called u a bastard.
<`sedated> see ya
wad u want me to say now
<`sedated> what abt what?
i duno what to make of u
<`sedated> what u mean to make of me what?
<`sedated> sorry i knw u're pissed i called u a bastard
<`sedated> i jux wanted u to read that pic
and den hope i din read the rest?
<`sedated> uhmx ... some sort.
<`sedated> cos u didn my entries on the previous page
i did
thats y i as so 'hostile' the last time round
<`sedated> well what's wrong abt the previous entries?
<`sedated> did i say ath bad?
u feel very bitter abt this isit
<`sedated> feeling bitter abt what?
and u think i feel that u're flirting with me?
<`sedated> why u sounded so hostile.
<`sedated> lyk i was disrupting u or sth
<`sedated> what cld i say?
<`sedated> i tried smsing u and all i got was hostility.
<`sedated> i tried to care but what did i get?
look here..the sms wasnt hostile or anything
<`sedated> tink of it in my shoes.
<`sedated> how u feel may be diff frm what we feel.
n how r u feeling
<`sedated> bitter abt what?
i'm angry u know
<`sedated> angry about?
that u could say such things
<`sedated> cos i called u a bastard?
<`sedated> cos of that/
that u're flirting with me?
<`sedated> well u thot i was
i didnt ok
how did u know
<`sedated> didn it seem to be the case?
or wad make u think so
<`sedated> well u sounded so hostile
wait wait
<`sedated> lyk u wanted me off ur back or sth
wad ever gave u the idea
<`sedated> wait what?
<`sedated> look at ur sms
tt i tot u were flirting with me
<`sedated> maybe u thot i was jux trying to use an excuse to sms u?
<`sedated> that u were irritated that i disturbed u
it was a non hostile n juz a normal sms why ya so sensitive
think man
<`sedated> u never knew i was so sensitive
<`sedated> but i've been sensitive all my life
n in the mean time u make me out to be some villian?
that didnt care for u at all last time
n is now a bastard?
<`sedated> if u reali cared for me u wun let me wallow in self depression for such along time
<`sedated> i have been feeling miserable for god knws how long and it's as if u knew
<`sedated> i was totally stressed out and u told terese i was giving myself unnec stress
<`sedated> is that supposed to be care?
<`sedated> no
and u expect someone to come along and suddenly make it better?
look here man
u were so wrapped up
u didnt even see wad was going on
<`sedated> precisely.
if theres anyone that can make it better
its urself ok
<`sedated> precisely
<`sedated> look at what u jux said.
<`sedated> did u care?
<`sedated> not at all.
u're disillusioned
u think
by juz me coming along
u can sit bacj
n say
hes going to make it all right
i tried
u knew i tried
but you didnt
u juz wanted to sit there
n hope n hope that u;ll be better
<`sedated> how do u want me to tell u?
when u din make an effort
<`sedated> am i supposed to tell all that i was feeling?
<`sedated> am i supposed to show u my diary?
<`sedated> and how awful i was feelin?
<`sedated> all along i was feeling miserable cos my bf didn even gif a damn
<`sedated> u rather go home to study then stay back wif me for a lil while
<`sedated> if u reali cared u wun leave me waitin for u all alonew
u get ur facts straight..all the time?
<`sedated> while u haf ur meetings that u knw will drag
<`sedated> not all the tym
<`sedated> but im jux not as strong as i seem to be
<`sedated> and u claim that i hurt u
<`sedated> u hurt me lots too jux that i never say
<`sedated> u always make me seem that i'm in the wrong.
<`sedated> my mum as well.
<`sedated> but noone knows what exactly goes on
and wad if u are?
<`sedated> what if im what?
dun run the sympathy thing on me now k
<`sedated> lol
<`sedated> u think u're worth that lil bit of my time now?
ok this is not helping
<`sedated> 've been crying everynite but it's going to stop frm now
<`sedated> i guess i was wrong in lyking u
if u wana go back n write some stuff back in ur diary
go ahead
<`sedated> u dun eve care
i did
<`sedated> and i can't be bothered wif u
dun kid urself
<`sedated> why, u sound so bitter
i shd be..look wad u said
i tot it shd be a normal frenship now
but u dun do this to frens
calling him a bastard
<`sedated> then yz's ur fren
<`sedated> u called him a bastard as well
hes not my friend
<`sedated> yz's my fren but i call him a hopeless bastard as well.
<`sedated> u're jux too narrow minded i gues.
<`sedated> i'm sory
so ur value of a friend is that too?
im sorry
<`sedated> u're jux being unreasonable.
maybe i am
<`sedated> u are
<`sedated> and u're jux sore
<`sedated> that ur ex gf called u a bastard
<`sedated> when actually it doesn mean ath
u like me to call u names?
<`sedated> u can call me ath
it doenst mean anything to YOU
it does ti me
<`sedated> well
<`sedated> dun u call ur frens bastard in a jovial matter?
that wasnt the context u called me in
u know it
dun kid urself
n u felt that u 'didnt want to give a damn abt him'
<`sedated> and i'm very certain abt that.
<`sedated> look at this conversation
<`sedated> noone has ever been so mean to me okayx
it didnt take on a good turn
i cant accept certain things abt u neither can u
<`sedated> it was never gd
leme say this quite cleary
<`sedated> yea?
i want u as a friend
thats all
there were things that happened in the past
<`sedated> what else do u want me to be huh?
my fault
wad do u mean
<`sedated> what do u mean by the that's alL/
<`sedated> are u assuming that i wanted to patch or sth?
u mentioned that u tot i tot u were flirting with me
well i wana clear tt
i didnt think u were flirting with me
coz i juz wan u as a friend
<`sedated> yea and then?
things happened in the past
<`sedated> look, if u can't even take my nonsense i doubt u'l ever take me as a fren
hey can i have some space here?
<`sedated> by sayin u wan me jux as a fren u're kidding urself
<`sedated> yeah u can all the space u want damnit
if u wana shoot me down like an F16 den i'll juz keep quiet
ya i want the damn space
<`sedated> go ahead, i'm giving it to u
things hap in the past
my faults..n ur faults
i forgotten them
n i dun wish to justify them
n i dun wish to visit them again
if i was more in the wrong last time
i dun wish to talk abt it
if u were
i dun wish to prove it to u
we can be friends..talk abt penguins..polar bears
thats nice
i app tt
but i dun wana deal with 'flashbacks'
n go back on issues n start pointing fingers
coz we all have equally strong arguments
n its not rite
i wana move on
as friends also
<`sedated> yea and screw lynette for all i care
<`sedated> u've gotten over it doesn mean im over it.
<`sedated> u dun care doesn mean i care.
<`sedated> and im gonna promise myself 'm not going to gif a dman
lynette has nothing to do with it
y bring her in
<`sedated> and i'm going to hate guys for the rest of my freaking life
<`sedated> i wished i never turned straight
<`sedated> and i hate homophobes lyk u
<`sedated> and i still think u're a jerk and bastard and everything into one
<`sedated> think guys are jux so freaking heartless
<`sedated> forget it
<`sedated> u can talk abt penguins and polar bears and all that shit
<`sedated> and u'll prob never going to talk to me cos *oops* i called u a bastard again
<`sedated> screw it man, i dun gif a damn
<`sedated> i'll stop crying frm now
<`sedated> and i'm stop thinking of u
<`sedated> stop hugging shervin
<`sedated> and everything can go to hell
u dun want to
i didnt want u to think of me
live the life u want
<`sedated> thanks alot
<`sedated> that's so comforting to hear
dun think anything i say will make u feel good now
<`sedated> of cos not.
<`sedated> jerks don't appeal to me
<`sedated> good night.
<`sedated> 'm totally over you.
hahax yea i think i'll lyk roleplay as well. *ahem ahem* that's why i wanna be a doc? lol that's so sick! =P

is it me or are guys getting really irritating? i don't seem to be able to stand them at all aerghhh. especially weiyang. he's nice but he's such a pest. and i hate people calling me cos i don't like to talk on the fone and ughhh can't stand it when they try to flirt with me it's lyk ... what the fuck. who the hell do u think u are to flirt with me? well if i were to be feeling happy i'll prob reply nicely and ask them not to flirt but i'll just ignore them for the rest of the time. i can't stand guys.
hwah jux saw grace's group blog and they're sooooo sweet! they're such great pals n ... uhmx, wells. the guys ain't that bad. sheeit i sound lyk a freaking chee hong (whatever that means actually) but yeah, i'm still lookin' at guys. eh, i'm not totally into girls ... or am i not into them at all? fuck, am i blardy straight or am i into gays?
i'll go on a rampage at muji soon i promise. i'm going to get everything i see. screw the fact that i'm broke. i'm gonna steal, beg, or do anything - i'll still go shopping. =) *uh-oh* damn, my wallpaper's evangelion. so is my cursor. hahah they kinda match. but the wallpaper's not complete! =/ leona's not done with the freehand so screw it. not her fault that her lap screwed her.
evolution sucks. so does bio. well, life sucks too! =) learnt this from terese. she's so cute. all her site talks about is how screwed the world is. and i talk about different stuff. i talk about how screwed i am. haha actually i'm quite happy today. just that i feel i can afford to screw my life abit more. haha stupid shihui she sucks totally.
i'm going download everything about eminem and read every piece of news about him. after that, i'm going to condemn mariah carey for the rest of her freaking life. why does she have to seduce my eminem? and kim shall have him, since she got him already. and he's a great kisser. *swoon* i'll go down to detroit after A's and look for him. =) man, how i wish i'd be there to snog him haha. he's soooooo cute. i doubt i would mind screwing him as well la wtf. i'm so bloody sick. but then again he's totally cool so what's wrong?
realised i've been playing more than i've done any work today. screw it, the hols are ending and i haven done anything substantial. why is my life so fucked? i wonder. i wish i were a barbarian. then i wldn have to study. well, then again i don't wanna run around stark naked. gee.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

uhmx ... ervin sucks but i guess i still like him. leona's sick and i'm worried. what do i want? =/ but i hate homophobes, so i shall stick to leona. but leona's attached. i shall stick to myself. =) *yay* shihui rocks.