Friday, June 06, 2003

i'm drowning in a sea of guilt.. i'm really sorry my dear.
it really hurts to see u carrying this burden sorta when it is not ur fault. i'm sure it isn't.
it was an innocent gossip that had gone wrong. (uh maybe i shld swear off gossipping)
we never thought of the aftermath and repercussions that would follow..
i know nothing can be done to remedy this i just pray for everything to be alrite.
i'm feeling immensely guility i haf no idea what to say.
if there's anyone to blame i guess it's us.
i'm so sorry i promise i'll keep my mouth shut the next time.

sighx why isn't my mummy home?
grace is rotting her ass off in school -> i'm so sorry!!! it's 12!
wait for me dear ... be patient.

// shoot me. i'm a sinner.
oh freak i feel lyk fuck.
tho HE kinda made it better for me i guess ...
i dun wanna blog.

btw u knw who u are i'm really relally sorry for it okay?
i knw i said sorry to u but u kinda said it was alrite but i'm feeling damn guilty.
ah freak. i tink i owe damn alot of pp sorries.

it could have been a happy day if we hadnt broken up. i don't know but i jux keep tinking abt it. the first and last time we did star gazing at ecp.. counting the no of twinkles that seem to be directed at us. if only the niceties wld remain and the yz incident never occurred, wld we still be happy together? i wished i could stop tinking. erv didn't treasure me, neither did i. i know, he tried to be sweet and stuff but it's true ... his feelings weren't there anymore. perhaps we were jux deceiving ourselves, tinking everything wld be alrite and that we wld really make it. sighx. i remember how i made him promise never to leave me and hug him tightly, really afraid of letting him go. or how i snuggle up to him for comfort and stuff. memories ... they aren't meant to be forgotten, are they? but what's the point of not letting go, when u know there aren't feelings left and they're jux beautiful anecdotes coincidentally peppered with images of him. why am i so affected by a so called anniversary when it is of no importance to him anymore. why are my tears flowing when i know they shouldn. why am i wasting my time crying when i've got absolutely nth towards him anymore? i wonder why. i don't wanna fall in love again cos i don't wanna feel the aftermath of a breakup. i don't wish to know how to cope with guys anymore cos i'm jux afraid i'll make the wrong choice again. and more tears.

// i never thought it was so hard.. i always took it easy.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

i'm down with a major illness and i think i'm gonna die.
it's true, but maybe i wun die of depression as terese has predicted.
the weather's really gonna kill me. eeeeekx.
ooh n i'm really happy to see u happy my dear happy terese :)

oh and he called me after i said i was dying.. lol.
and seriously i don't wanna see u laugh to death/squeeze your neck/faint with shock/-insert any other reaction here-
i still tink it's absolutely hilarious well.
u can laugh straight in my face i guess.
but i've got nothing to say erh my brain's fried.

// i don't feel lyk blogging i jux feel lyk dying cos my brain's halfway in space and i'm still stuck in earth with a BLEEDING hole. aergh!

*** try "where is the love" by black eye peas. yummy yummy name! :)

Monday, June 02, 2003

ahhh grace found out. hahah.
good God.
Bless me.
ahhh and i found out.
Bless me again.